Tuesday, January 31, 2006

bleed

bleed.

do i really have to hear it?

coldplay songs make me bleed.

three doors down makes me bleed.

and now, utada hikaru.

"i'll remember to love, you taught me how..."

okaay, so my friends tell me that I have been transformed into a totally bading creature of love. i agree. now that i see the world in a differenet light (magenta, i should say) i have gone overly emotional about things.

i cry over everything.

i mean everything.

so, it's okay to cry over some scenes in "The Lion King", but i know something's really wrong, because now, I cry over Alpo commercials.

or maybe wall has finally crumbled.

C h i n i k a n i M i m o s e n u n g b a n d a n g 11:19 PM

Stream of Consciousness

Stream of Consciousness - The Adchem Episode
I have this daydream - creamy and so very real that it's almost tangible. I have always longed for lazy afternoons - scribbling aimlessly, the scent of Hibiscus that almost does not exist floods the atmosphere, while the tongue of the summer sun plays upon my nape. Bliss. Hiatus. Sweet-scented void and the endless splash of my eternal, imaginary hibiscus.
Then, drunken dragonflies would be flying above my nose. Listless. Careless. Carefree. Some pointless act begins and ends simultaneously. Some random process called life.
In my head, a thousand nuclear explosions occus as I write about pistachio ice cream and his feet with toes, pink like a salamander's. In my head, I am lying nearly lifeless on the cold floor. In my head, it's raining water balloons. Pink ones, yellow ones. Look at them! Watch them drop, and one, two - I'm wet! In my head, adchem never existed. In my head, I am already galaxies away.
And oh, what's that goddamn song by Utada Hikaru?
Two lines, two lines...
and again I bleed for you.

C h i n i k a n i M i m o s e n u n g b a n d a n g 10:58 PM

Syempre

In Coper-slang, there is a very wide gap between the words "syempre" and "of course".
When life gets too difficult, too complicated and too fucked up, aren't you just glad that "syempre" exists?

Why are we so poor?
Syempre…

Will I pass the test?
Syempre…

Will I fail the test?
Syempre…

Is he even listening?
Syempre…

When we are just tired, drained to the bone and devoid of all emotions, aren’t we just glad that “syempre” exists? Syempre… And then, there would be no need for explanation – no need to sugarcoat, but never fully stripped of hope.

Why am I saying all this? Syempre…
Last Thursday, hours before that bittersweet mishap otherwise called our Hindu Opera, I scribbled something at the back of my math notebook.

“I have never felt so dead ever. It’s as if I have been robbed of all the reasons, all the zeal to wake up early each day. I am barely hanging onto a dream, barely looking for an excuse.”

I have not lost my faith entirely, so I say to you, for whatever doubts you have in mind, there will always be a spark of hope.

Syempre…

C h i n i k a n i M i m o s e n u n g b a n d a n g 10:35 PM

Monday, January 23, 2006

this is so sad.

this is so sad.

since i took the day off, i thought i had the time to tweak my template or to finally start the major blog overhaul i've been planning for months. sadly, i am just so uninspired.

ack.

where was the zeal of my once feisty and eager blogger-self?

and the same goes for my studies.

C h i n i k a n i M i m o s e n u n g b a n d a n g 3:51 PM

know thy enemy

Know thy enemy...

I have been reading "The Art of War" and "The Secrets of Elizabeth I" too much, that I have known my enemy too damn well for me to actually begin to like her.

Isn't it just fascinating to know that we have so much in common , when many assumed this "war" was waged all because of our differences?

Well, perhaps there will come a time that her infamous finger-wagging tale shall be put to rest.

It may turn out to be such a surprise but I actually consider myself forgiving. =)

C h i n i k a n i M i m o s e n u n g b a n d a n g 12:22 PM

bittersweet victory

a bittersweet victory...

it was just the very thing we needed a right now - a victory, something positive to hold on to.
i had a high fever the night before the most anticipated fight of the year- but i was already up by 6 am. it was almost a holiday in our street. there was an endless flow of beer - all the manongs sure were drunk 'n happy - giving their curse-loaded predictions for the fight, while the manangs were having their rosary-marathon to seal in the victory of the Pacman. Indeed, we are all fans of the guy.

We were tuned in to both channel 2 and solar sports, we were also listening to the radio, and i was frantically searching for early results online. before the fight even started on TV, we already knew he won.

still, it was painful to watch the actual fight. it was still very painful to watch the opponent fall.

(i will never marry a boxer. =) )

we got what we prayed for but there are still so many disappointments...

who sang the national anthem??!!!!! i'm sure she knows she messed it up! and did she really have to shout after the song??! it seemed quite rude.

and of course, it was a political feast on the ring after the fight...

well, i could forget about it all because...
hanep! bangis na mag-english ni Pacquiao!!!! whoo!

C h i n i k a n i M i m o s e n u n g b a n d a n g 11:27 AM

Sunday, January 15, 2006

the chenelyn factor

the chenelyn factor.
is it a mantra?
it's so weird, that lately, everytime I'm not talking - to anyone, at all and when I'm just busy doing things, that inner voice in my head goes "Chenelyn! Chenelyn! Chenelyn!"
Gad!
I shall stop thinking of "Chenelyn"..
switch: On
printf ("chorva");

C h i n i k a n i M i m o s e n u n g b a n d a n g 5:04 PM

the chenelyn factor

C h i n i k a n i M i m o s e n u n g b a n d a n g 5:04 PM

215

215...
I never desired anything in my life this badly...
I could even feel my heart bleed over this dream...
I could only wait in this fearful hoping...
then, valentine's day wouldn't really mean much -
it's the day after.
___________________________________________________________________
On The Solidarity of the GC Lane:
janica, anjo, casti and I... collectively known as the GC lane have made it through so many term papers, loads of video shoots and crammed homework.
we've made it through 87's and 95's..
and you go thinking that little sour grape can break us apart just like that?
25 years from now, we'll meet in Paris - poring over our contracts and laughing at how we managed to bear with all the pain, all the shame and all the hard-work of being Grade Conscious.
i love you guys! you have definitely helped me so much with everything for my senior year. you were my one true family this year. you made me feel one with you - though i'm millions of brain cells away...
on 215...
we'll be together with the news,
and i pray that nothing could break us-
and our dream.

C h i n i k a n i M i m o s e n u n g b a n d a n g 4:38 PM

Wednesday, January 11, 2006

fuckeroo..

fuckeroo.

i am at my wit's end trying desperately to do the following:

why?

me?

will this 10-month drought ever end and flourish into something... i wanted?

and then there is she -

the one who plucked the fruit before it ever ripened,

the one who stole the glimmer from the moon.

C h i n i k a n i M i m o s e n u n g b a n d a n g 10:29 PM

Wednesday, January 04, 2006

deux

aucun est aucun...
est oui oui...
je n'étais jamais entre...
vous ai eu le bon.
vous ai eu le mauvais.
et vous démuni été très vif...
les espoirs faux faux d'espoirs......
ont laissé des choses être.

C h i n i k a n i M i m o s e n u n g b a n d a n g 8:55 PM

deux

aucun est aucun...
est oui oui...
je n'étais jamais entre...
vous ai eu le bon.
vous ai eu le mauvais.
et vous démuni été très vif...
les espoirs faux faux d'espoirs......
ont laissé des choses être.

C h i n i k a n i M i m o s e n u n g b a n d a n g 8:55 PM

Tuesday, January 03, 2006

ngh!

I am so stoned.

I know perfectly well that I have so much to do before school starts tomorrow, but what am I doing right now?

-ticking myself off by reading someone's blog.

"Teen Scientists fight noxious weeds Holistically"

wish i could do that.

so many weeds, so little time.

C h i n i k a n i M i m o s e n u n g b a n d a n g 3:19 PM

101 Books to Read Before You Die

101 Books to Read Before You Die

I have always called myself a bibliophile, and now that I got this list, I realized I am doing poorly in the Reading Department. Hopefully, I will have more years to read because I seriously want to finish the list.


A Clockwork Orange -Anthony Burgess
Nineteen Eighty-FourGeorge Orwell
Of Mice and Men -John Steinbeck
Alias Grace- Margaret Atwood
American Psycho -Bret Easton Ellis
Perfume- Patrick Suskind
One Hundred Years of Solitude -Gabriel G. Marquez
All Quiet on the Western Front -Erich Maria Remarque
The Amazing Adventures of Kavalier and Clay -Michael Chabon
Atonement -Ian McEwan
The Bell Jar -Sylvia Plath
The Great Gatsby -F. Scott Fitzgerald
Beloved-Toni Morrison
The Big Sleep -Raymond Chandler
Brave New World -Aldous Huxley
Breakfast at Tiffany's- Truman Capote
The Diary of Anne Frank -Anne Frank
Catch 22 -Joseph Heller
The Catcher in the Rye -J.D. Salinger
Cider with Rosie -Laurie Lee
The Color Purple -Alice Walker
Crime and Punishment -Fyodor Dostoyevsky
The Crow Road -Iain Banks
Dracula -Bram Stoker
And Then There Were None -Agatha Christie
Captain Corelli's Mandolin -Louis de Bernieres
The Crimson Petal and the White -Michel Faber
The Daughter of Time -Josephine Tey
A Confederacy of Dunces -John Kennedy Toole
The Code of the Woosters P.G. Wodehouse
An Evil Cradling -Brian Keenan
Fingersmith - Sarah Waters
The God of Small Things -Arundhati Roy
The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-time -Mark Haddon
Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep? -Philip K. Dick
Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas -Hunter S. Thompson
The French Lieutenant's Woman -John Fowles
The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy -Douglas Adams
The Hound of the Baskervilles -Arthur Conan Doyle
Great Expectations -Charles Dickens
Ham on Rye -Charles Bukowski
Hey Nostradamus! -Douglas Coupland
If This Is A Man -Primo Levi
What A Carve Up! -Jonathan Coe
If Nobody Speaks of Remarkable Things - Jon McGregor
An Instance of the Fingerpost -Iain Pears
The Man Who Mistook His Wife For A Hat -Oliver Sacks
House of Leaves -Mark Z. Danielewski
Huckleberry Finn -Mark Twain
I Capture the Castle -Dodie Smith
In Patagonia Bruce Chatwin
Jane Eyre -Charlotte Bronte
Jude the Obscure -Thomas Hardy
Life of Pi -Yann Martel
Lolita-Vladimir Nabokov
Long Walk to Freedom -Nelson Mandela
Lord of the Flies William Golding
The Lord of the Rings -J.R.R. Tolkien
The Lovely Bones Alice Sebold
Madame Bovary -Gustave Flaubert
MiddlesexJ -effrey Eugenides
Midnight's Children -Salman Rushdie
The Master and Margarita -Mikhail Bulgakov
One Flew Over The Cuckoo's Nest -Ken Kesey
Oranges Are Not The Only Fruit -Jeanette Winterson
The Monk -Matthew Lewis
The Name of the Rose -Umberto Eco
New York Trilogy -Paul Auster
Northern Lights -Philip Pullman
The Odyssey -Homer
The Outsider -Albert Camus
The Poisonwood Bible -Barbara Kingsolver
PossessionA.S. Byatt
Pride and Prejudice -Jane Austen
A Prayer for Owen Meany -John Irving
Rabbit, Run -John Updike
The Reader -Bernard Schlink
The Private Memoirs and Confessions of a Justified Sinner -James Hogg
What We Talk About When We Talk About Love -Raymond Carver
The Ragged Trousered Philanthropists -Robert Tressell
Rebecca -Daphne du Maurier
The Remains of the Day -Kazuo Ishiguro
The Secret History -Donna Tartt
The Selfish Gene -Richard Dawkins
Siddhartha -Hermann Hesse
Slaughterhouse 5 -Kurt Vonnegut
Snow Falling on Cedars -David Guterson
Sophie's World -Jostein Gaarder
A Suitable Boy -Vikram Seth
Stalingrad -Antony Beevor
Things Fall Apart -Chinua Achebe
To Kill A Mockingbird -Harper Lee
Touching the Void -Jow Simpson
TrainspottingI -rvine Welsh
Waterland -Graham Swift
The Unbearable Lightness of Being -Milan Kindera
The Wind Up Bird Chronicle -Haruki Murakami
The Worst Journey in the World- Apsley Cherry-Garrard
The Woman in White -Wilkie Collins
Wuthering Heights -Emily Bronte
A Time of Gifts -Patrick Leigh Fermor
The ones in orange are stuff I've already read. Those in blue are the one's I tried to read...tried to read.
Oh well, I bet there are other books to be read before one dies.
Take for example, the one I'm reading right now - The Leadership Secrets of Queen Elizabeth I
hehe..amazing.


C h i n i k a n i M i m o s e n u n g b a n d a n g 2:14 PM

Sunday, January 01, 2006

the tag thing

The Tag Thing
Okay, so I have been tagged. Ugh. But it seems cute, and downright silly to be telling the world of my, ehem, "ideal lover" (so cheesy...)
Target: Male (of course)
here goes the 8-point "program"... ahahaha... Mayor Atienza would be sooo proud!
1.) "Socially Aware"- a really intelligent guy who can answer beauty pageant questions without being too cheesy and in a snap, that kind of guy will definitely get my admiration. He (whoever he is doomed to meet me) would have to talk sense. I like guys who can give insights on issues like free trade, animal testing and domestic violence. Plus points if he supports organizations like PETA, GreenPeace or wears a whiteband. (Demanding ang lola! )
2.) Funny- a guy's sense of humor would definitely reflect his wit. I like guys who know how and when to be funny.
3.) Stoic- I really don't know why. I guess this is not really a requirement, but quiet men are hot! ahahaha.. now, that was my inner byotch talking... but really, they just do intrigue me. (Why do I have to do this??) Ahahaha.. Quiet people are really interesting. Especially those who convey all their musings in less than 10 words.
4.) Good in Physics and Math- (for obvious reasons) I wish some tagged guy would be looking for someone "Good in English!"
5.) Understanding and Patient- who doesn't one and need one? I mean, I need someone who won't freak out upon knowing that I talk to myself 24/7. Yes, i do. So, I need someone who will listen and snap me out of my delusions.
6.) Sane and Cool- cool as in the cool as a cucumber kind of guy. I have been legendary in threatening department store and fast food people whenever I encounter bad service and stuff like that. I need someone who'll keep me sane,grounded and out of trouble.
7.) Do I really have to mention nice and God-fearing? Those should be given.
8.) Germbusting! - I don't know how to put it. Uhm, talented, I should say. Someone who can do crazy things. Someone who knows a lot of things. For example, play the violin (cos I suck at this.. he'll have to teach me), make an analysis on The Lord of the Flies, eat a live squid (okay not necessary) Someone who'll be comfortable doing daring things (no nudity necessary) =) like indulge in a videoke marathon of aegis songs - now, that's a brave man!
Bonus Track:
Hey, ideal guy! If you're reading this right now and you've made up your mind that you want to meet me now, please make sure that....

Please send your application form together with 2 2x2 id pictures, 1 whole body picture, your 300 word essay,statement of assets and liabilities and testing fee of php450 on or before February 25, 2006.

Late applicants will not be accepted.

Results may be accessed through SMS around March 2006.

C h i n i k a n i M i m o s e n u n g b a n d a n g 7:30 PM