Monday, May 28, 2007

Enrolment: A Murderous Affair (Part II)

UP, why are you doing this to meeeee???!!!!

This is the start of the cursed "upperclassman" woes. I don't want to think about June 5 yet. I want to enjoy my remaining days of freedom and sanity, because I don't know what to do.

How does this whole manual enlistment go???!!! Will my life be a living hell? ( I suppose so.) When do I get my form5a/ form 5 and all other forms??

I hate this.

Why????!! Why???!!

When do CMC people get to enrol??!

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C h i n i k a n i M i m o s e n u n g b a n d a n g 5:46 PM

Sunday, May 27, 2007

Letters

When I feel terribly depressed, I usually write down whatever I'm feeling on any piece of paper. It's an efficient form of release,and I like the thought of being accidentally reminded of my past worries.

Lately, I've been having those late night anxiety attacks again, and just last week I cried myself to sleep. If everything goes down to choosing between fight or flight, then I can say I am most definitely a flight person. I always choose to take the easy way out. But these days, I am reminded that I can't run away from it all forever.

Below is something I wrote at the back of my school planner, dated February 26, 2007. This may seem to be just one of your troubled-teen musings but this one sums up my state of mind right now. I seriously think I need help, but I am still debating (with myself) if this is really serious or just a petty juvenile drama.

There's this certain weariness from the past few days, seemingly filling up the void and channelling a faint spark of zeal. This never-ending cycle of oblivion and warmth, of panic and comfort, gives me something to look forward to, but the regrets keep coming back. There is the knowing that one must learn to face the consequences of the following days, but the promise of childhood whimsies- turning back time- proves to be more appealing.

Hours spent in prayers, days wasted in wishful thinking. Is it all for the better? Is it all for the truth? They have torn you apart , and you have triumphed over your own fragments. Now comes the time to embrace your enemies, to let go and let grow, but as always, your heart aches for home.

Learn how to sting.

Learn how to fucking sting.

I really want to know if something's wrong with me, and to some extent I am wishing that something's wrong with me- at least that would give me an excuse to feel this way. I feel like I'm being surrounded by people I can't trust. That's why I chose to stay at home the entire summer, and if I had my choice, I would want to stay home forever.

I can't bear the thought of having to be with people who hate me, with people who are dishonest. This is driving me crazy. I've been dying to talk about this to my mother but I just can't get myself to talk of something specific. I know understands, but do I?

xxmimose

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C h i n i k a n i M i m o s e n u n g b a n d a n g 8:30 PM

Saturday, May 19, 2007

let's get physical!!!!

In the spirit of fitness and guilt, my best-friends-since-diaper-days Julie and Joy (a.k.a. the Alonzo sisters) went with me last week to sign up for yet another meaningful and tiring activity - gym whoring!!!!!!


Every summer, our mothers usually connived to enrol us in whatever embarrassing activity they had in mind such as piano lessons, swimming lessons, badminton lessons, and finally, hardcore muay thai lessons.

This summer's different. We decided for ourselves that we actually want to go to the gym to get into shape. Sure, round's a shape but we could all do better. The best thing about my girls is that Julie's already lost a lot of weight and Joy's really skinny eversince but they wholeheartedly signed up to make me feel less of a loser. Hahahahahaha.

The big thing about this gym whoring is that we're really into it. We've been going for 6 days a week, and we even took it to the next level by signing up for Aerobics class!!!! Whoooo!!!! That's old school gym whoring at its cheesiest- minus the tacky spandex outfits, thank goodness.

I can say it's really fun. We had this female instructor who always comes to class in shorter-than-anything-possible short shorts. Well, she's got the goods anyway, so why not show them off?

Nothing beats doing leg curls to re-mixed versions of Whitney Houston classics!

Try it. You know you want to.

Hahahahahaha.

Stay sexy.
xxmimose

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C h i n i k a n i M i m o s e n u n g b a n d a n g 6:22 PM

Monday, May 14, 2007

not my cup of rice

I think it was two years ago when I was asked to write an essay for a UNESCO-sponsored gig which had "Rice is Life" for its theme. Normally, I would have been more than happy to try my luck at changing the world and using whatever writing skill I had to spread a positive message, but at that time I just said no.

Gaaaah. What was I thinking???!!! Well, it's not like I was being such a "literary" primadonna, after all, I have previously agreed to write a piece on Statistics and Agriculture. It's just that I was too busy at that time, and to be honest, I never liked rice.

I know, I know. What a shame to be born and raised on this side of the planet and never really learning to appreciate rice, and for the most part- just learn how to cook it. My grandfather in le province will surely rip my head off if he knows about this. You know how our folks are. They're always about being proud and appreciative of your roots and all - just because he's made a living out of rice.

Well, rice is life - this may be true for a whole LOT of people, but not for me because I don't know how to cook it. I know. This is so silly. I cook. I bake and I've actually done a bit of pastry lesson, but I've never managed to cook a single cup of decent-looking, edible rice.

Mutti says the way to learn is never through the rice cooker, because that's "cheating". Well, whatever I've always had this irrational fear of rice cookers and microwave ovens anyway.

STEP ONE: Measure rice.

Check.

STEP TWO: Wash the rice.

Check. Now that's pretty simple, but why? And how many times do you wash the rice? One? Two? Three?

STEP THREE: Measure the water (and normally, you'll put it in the rice pot thing).

Now here's the weird part. What the hell is the freakin ratio of rice to water? I've heard it's 1:1, Mutti says 1:1 1/2 and sometimes 1:2. What is this??!! Am I being punk'd???!! And everyone else says it all depends on the variety you're working with. How am I supposed to know all that??!!

STEP FOUR: Cook it.

Now, how long??! In all my attempts, I've come to realize that just like babies, rice isn't a put-on-stove-and-walk-away kind of thing. (Not that you'd out a baby on a stove, but well...) It's just that I always, always, always forget to check on the rice or turn the heat down or turn the stove off and wander away until smoke comes out of the kitchen (perhaps due to a genetic mutation??).

So everything results into a unrecognizable mush which is 1 part charcoal and 1 part wet, slushy rice on top.

Gaaaah. Why can't we just have bread in this house???!!!!!

rice=more gym hours
xxmimose

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C h i n i k a n i M i m o s e n u n g b a n d a n g 10:05 PM

Sunday, May 13, 2007

i love my mutti!

it's mutti's day! woohoot! and in the tradition of generosity and some odd presents, i gave my mutti a REtroSPECT CD cos she's been talking about how she loves them (though they seem pretty weird for mutti who was once a Black Sabbath fan).

when i grow up, i want to be just like my own mutti. she has a great sense of fashion, great sense of humor and good sense altogether. she's never been pushy with my endeavors and she's very open-minded.

every other motherly neighbor i know has gone through days of paranoia with their teenage kids. i overheard mutti talking to a neighbor once about the juvenile delinquency and the countless stupid things kids do to look cool.

"My daughter can smoke anything she wants. She'll just have to spend her own money. I will not pay for that kind of -bleep-!"

Hahahahaha. But I know she'll slit my throat even if i buy "stuff" with my own money.

It must be so hard to be a mutti, especially with a psychotic daughter like me. It is a miracle the way most mothers can see every bit of potential and beauty within their children.

For example, Mrs.Neighbourly-Snot (who is a fattie) has a daughter (who is also a fattie). I was out with Mutti one time and M.N-S came up to her and literally exclaimed, "Oh my gawd! What happened to your daughter???!! Why did you let her get this big???!!!"

I could not believe she actually said that to my mother, and I was there t hear it!!! I badly wanted to see her get attacked by a grizzly bear.

But of course, Mutti was always sane and just smiled, "It's okay. It's the summer vacation anyway."

I felt betrayed. It's a good thing to be decent for most times but this one called for massive Jerry Springer action!!! That Neighbourly-Snot!!!

But, alas! Out of nowhere comes Mrs. Neighbourly Snot's daughter and she was thrice my size!!!!!! (to think that she's younger...) It was supposedly a Ha-Ha moment for me, but I thought every daughter looks like a pin-up girl in the eyes of her mom.

You see, every fattie needs another fattie to realize she isn't the only one in the world. I could have gone snotier with Mrs. Neighbourly-Snot but I know later on I'd think that my future daughter will be the Queen of the Universe.


Now, what was that???!?!!

Let me just finish this one.

Dear Mutti,

You are my most favorite Mutti in the world. Thank you for everything that you have done for me. I forgive you for passing on your flat-as-a-pancake feet genes and oily skin genes to me. I also forgive you for all the times you tell me I'm adopted and that someone only left me by your doorstep. In any case, I would still feel equally lucky, blessed, happy and proud to have you as my Mutti.

I want to grow up just like you, minus the grey hairs at age 30. I promise to be a responsible, tax-paying citizen just like you taught me.

I love you Mutti! My first big paycheck shall go to our reconstructive foot surgery!

Hugs!Hugs!
Brooke Shields (yes, that what she calls me)

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C h i n i k a n i M i m o s e n u n g b a n d a n g 9:25 PM

Wednesday, May 09, 2007

guess who's sort of back???!!!

yaaaaayyyy!!!!

first of all, lemme thank everyone (friends and strangers alike) who tried to keep me sane on my hell days. thank you mutti (for the detox whatnot and buying me shoes to make me feel better). thank you karen for trying to tell me i'm not such a fattie. hahaha.

and thanks leslie for the encouragement. grabe. is it true that there are people out there who look up to me? grabe, kids! you are ruining your chances to a bright future. hahaha.

i'm still stuck in a rut. i went shopping last week to chase away the weight loss blues, and i realized it's not the smartest idea. see, i just got reminded of my "battle with the bulge" (grabe. that's how cheesy as it can sound!) when i was looking around for jeans. to begin with, i've always had the fatal big hips and big butt combo. in short, i have the body that only a brother can love. well, i'm not sure, but yall know they like their women thick in da hood.

okay, what was that??!!! hahahahaha.

let me go on with the deal about the combo. there i was looking around for jeans and i was asking the clerk if they had this particular style in my size. the clerk goes all sad and told me they only had mid-waist jeans in my size.

what the sammilbee am i supposed to do with mid-waist jeans???! for those who don't know, they are the kind of jeans which are a few stitches away from being mom jeans. i almost hit the clerk with my hand bag, but since i am a nice person i just looked for other jeans.

most of the styles on display were size 2. who the hell, well aside from fido dido, can wear size 2 jeans. sure, a lot of hollywood stars wear size 2 or 0 - just ask the Olsen twins. but hey, real women have freaking curves.

haaay, well i've lost 5 pounds which is great. reaaally great. i'm not dying to be thin cos i know i can't do that and my allowance can't buy me drugs (yet). hahahaha. so i'm sticking to my silly pilates routine with the stretchy bands. the workout's fun cos i get to pretend like i'm a ninja turtle.

the downside is that i still look fat. like, helllooooo??!! i am fat. hahaha. the people who were at karen's party can attest to that. but i'm feeling pretty good right now and being less mopey. hurray!

wait till i fit in those jeans, you you you clerk with the awful too-thick foundation!!!
xxmimose

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C h i n i k a n i M i m o s e n u n g b a n d a n g 8:13 PM