Wednesday, June 20, 2007

Wallpaper

This has been a week (or so) of pure passivity, topped with a generous helping of domestication. Haha! I have been wanting to write something provocative, something meaningful - but now is not the time. I am beginning to get drained of all my writing desires, and I hate it. I used to think I can write something, and something good. Now, I can only look back at that cockiness I used to display in my writing.

I feel so old. This cycle is sickening. Again, my quest for negative time will never stop. I shall dream of going back to the wonder years for as long as I can hold on to the fickle promise of comfort.

When I find myself talking like this, talking in blurry pictures, I often wish I were some irritated stranger who has the guts to shake me up and probably land a stinging slap on my face.

Snap out of it.

Reading Veronika Decides to Die isn't much help either. It has only tempted me to dream of burning this house down, this place I dare call my house. Growing up or growing old, whatever you choose, is a sad process. It's like peeling off the candy-coloured wallpaper your eyes have gotten so used to- only to reveal the ugly surface beneath.

Yes, we were all told we were special, but that doesn't amount to much once we begin to peel off our layers.

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C h i n i k a n i M i m o s e n u n g b a n d a n g 6:14 PM

Wednesday, June 13, 2007

it's a good thing!

yay! It's day 3 and I just had my first Martha moment!!! I cooked Pork Curry for the sunrise kids tonight, and they liked it. (Or so I happily assumed. Nyek.)

It's soooo hard to cook for different people, but it's even harder to read serious news. Ha! I just had my first class for journ101, and I can sense hellish career moments ahead! For a once-budding journalist, reading the news is now sooo painful to me.

What happened???!!!! Ugh. And now, I am blasting my brains off reading business newspapers and actually browsing the Reuters website. Talk about total nyek.

In other news, I am still not enrolled. So please, duckpin bowling instructors, accept me in your class tomorrow!!!!! Pleeeeeeaaaaasseeee. Pretty please with extra creamy Pork curry on top.

My Martha Week is scheduled for next week, and I shall be posting the Menu plan soon. Nyek. Hahahaha. This means, I am finally crossing out an item in my Happy List.

xxMimose

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C h i n i k a n i M i m o s e n u n g b a n d a n g 9:45 PM

Tuesday, June 12, 2007

live from sunrise land!!!!

I am scared shitless. Hahahaha. New place, new beds. New everything. But I'm still as scared as ever.

Oh my God, I can't believe this...

I've never been this far away from home..

Nyek. Sabay quote ng Kaiser Chiefs eh.

I miss mutti and vatti and bender!!!!!!!

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C h i n i k a n i M i m o s e n u n g b a n d a n g 8:48 PM

Saturday, June 09, 2007

the list

In another attempt to find balance in my life and to simply keep myself from going over the brink of sanity, I have created THE LIST.

Well, THE LIST contains a few (a hundred) happy things for me to achieve before I turn 26 (the age that I have assigned to be my official golden age, my wonder year). So with the help of some of my friends and with a lot of time on my hands, I came up with the first part of the list... 37 items for me to accomplish, think about or just roll my eyes at.

1.Go to France with GC Lane for 25th birthday. (the GC Lane connivance!)
2.Send a bouquet of roses to mutti and grandmutti.
3.Treat entire family to movie and dinner.
4.Have a signature scent.
5.Get into ideal weight.
6.Go skinny dipping in another country. (preferrably, after accomplishing number 5!)
7.Tour parents to at least 3 countries. (Korea, France, Germany?)
8.Go on a backpacking trip to Batanes. (anyone up for it? gorgey place!)
9.Cook dinner for flat mates for a week (Paging the sunrise kids: I want my Martha Stewart moment!)
10. Bake a birthday cake for mutti and other special people (another Martha moment)
11.Jog around the UP acad oval
12.Be a game show contestant (and actually win this time!!!!!)
13.Go out for a day wearing a wig (and a phony accent to match..)
14.Send a few kids to school
15.Buy a car and buy another car for vatti
16.Go to an art museum with friends for fun
17.Sing in a public videoke place
18.Graduate! (and with honors)
19.Sing and dance in the rain
20.Host reunion parties for grade school and high school friends. (and say "It's been awhile. I'm so glad you came!" like a hundred times throughout the party)
21.Read the Bible and have one verse that will sum up life philosophy
22.Vote and vote wisely
23.Go to the congress and senate to see how things work in there (a la Gin Pomelo video)
24.Visit the province alone
25.Ice-skate without falling on bottom too much (then, challenge "Mare" to a "skate-off"! Nyek.)
26.Have an article published in a reputable newspaper
27.Go on a food trip/ backpack trip and explore Manila
28.Grow a garden (another Martha moment)
29.Take photos of mutti and vatti together
30.Write a song and record it (or perform it in public)
31.Perform in a stage play or musical
32.Go scuba diving
33.Collect trash underwater while scuba diving
34.Write a message or verse of hope and spread it through creative means (so totally cheesy, just like in the Brian McKnight music video)
35.Makeover someone who needs it (like myself)
36.Treat some kids to the amusement park or to the movies
37.Stop being afraid


I like lists. I like the fact that somehoe they convey some sense of order (which I need badly). This may turn out to be a therapeutic activity, and maybe the bogeyman will stop the midnight tearjerkers. If not, I'll leave this business to Earl Hickey.

xxmimose

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C h i n i k a n i M i m o s e n u n g b a n d a n g 4:49 PM

Saturday, June 02, 2007

i need a hug...

I recently had a long talk with mutti about things and people that are getting me down and getting on my nerves. Having talks with my mother instantly make me feel better, because she always knows what to say. It's too bad the feeling wears off easily.

The only thing that really hit me was when mutti told me I am like a child.

I guess I am still a child , and I refuse to grow. I have very childish fears and I exhaust myself trying to run away from them.

I need a hug.

I was given one wish , and I wasted it trying to wish for "negative time".

xxmimose

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C h i n i k a n i M i m o s e n u n g b a n d a n g 8:19 PM

Friday, June 01, 2007

mutti's mutti

For the entire summer, I signed up to be my grandmother's official 24/7 slave.

Yes, I felt like I had to be the do-gooder of the season. I felt like I had to do a lot of payback, because it would be my only assurance that everything will be okay. Some people were born to take care of others, some only to take care of themselves and still some who can't even look after themselves.

I have been in the last bin, and the second one- I wanted to fit right in the first one. I've been telling myself for years that it's okay to be the spoiled bitch that I am because that's what my parents raised me to be. Of course, I was wrong. Mutti wanted to raise a self-sufficient and responsible citizen, the goody two-shoes. Vatti wanted for himself a kid who can pay her own bills right after college, and preferably one who can buy him the sports car. But generally, they wanted a good kid, and I'm trying to be that because I've seen Mutti do it and the satisfaction she gets, according to her anyway, is the best feeling in the world.

Well, I was going for the "good feeling" , and if I can get the "best one", why not?

And of course, I love my grandmother. She raised me to be her protege. I was her favorite grandchild, her favorite granddaughter. (She made it known to everybody else, and I swear I can feel my cousins secretly hating me before.) I was the daughter of her only daughter among five sons. I just had to be the little Estela.

Now, my grandmother was never the grandmother who had special occasion recipes. She's a bad cook. We cooked rice the same way, emerging with tiny white pebbles on our bowls. She was the original spoiled waray bitch. She was dangerously naughty, and she still is.

When they were young, kids of someone who was somebody in pre-war Samar, they used to play with money and burn them. She used to fart loudly when they were praying the rosary. She sold fake cigars stuffed with dried Papaya leaves, and stuffed bananas down into her whats-its with her friends.

But my grandmother can also be the most loving potty-mouthed grandma you'll ever find.

Do you love your husband?

"Why yes. He was handsome. He had a nice nose and a long dick."

I looooooove my lola.
xxmimose

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C h i n i k a n i M i m o s e n u n g b a n d a n g 8:29 PM