Wednesday, June 20, 2007
Wallpaper
This has been a week (or so) of pure passivity, topped with a generous helping of domestication. Haha! I have been wanting to write something provocative, something meaningful - but now is not the time. I am beginning to get drained of all my writing desires, and I hate it. I used to think I can write something, and something good. Now, I can only look back at that cockiness I used to display in my writing.
I feel so old. This cycle is sickening. Again, my quest for negative time will never stop. I shall dream of going back to the wonder years for as long as I can hold on to the fickle promise of comfort.
When I find myself talking like this, talking in blurry pictures, I often wish I were some irritated stranger who has the guts to shake me up and probably land a stinging slap on my face.
Snap out of it. Reading
Veronika Decides to Die isn't much help either. It has only tempted me to dream of burning this house down, this place I dare call my house. Growing up or growing old, whatever you choose, is a sad process. It's like peeling off the candy-coloured wallpaper your eyes have gotten so used to- only to reveal the ugly surface beneath.
Yes, we were all told we were special, but that doesn't amount to much once we begin to peel off our layers.
Labels: depression, negative time, passivity, wallpaper
C h i n i k a n i M i m o s e n u n g b a n d a n g 6:14 PM
